Made Me Sad....

I haven't been watching many YouTube videos lately. You know, life gets in the way of those kinds of things. There's volunteering at school, lots of traveling, a bit of dancing, and just life. But during naptime, I had a little bit of free time. And I was trying to catch up on some of my favorite youtubers. That's when I seen this video....



It just made my heart sad. It's reality. I know that. But when you watch some of these channels, you feel like they're your friends. And it just hurts, to see someone hurt this bad. Especially when they are such good people. My prayers are going out to this precious family! ~C

Feels Like Home

We're finally home. Well, at least in our apartment. Sarita was released today. For just a few short weeks. But still, we're home. My baby girl is sleeping in her big girl bed. Her bed!

Juan and I couldn't be happier. Nothing is as amazing as putting our little girl to bed in her bedroom. And we're planning on going home. Back home. To the southwest. At least for a few weeks. We try to take full advantage of our time away from the hospital. But still being aware that we need to keep our daughter safe.

It feels good to be home. Plain and simple. I hope that soon, our little girl will no longer have to deal with cancer. We also hope that our dear friend, La Chiquitita, also doesn't have to deal with this horrible disease any longer. It's a tough road. For everyone involved. But to watch your daughter and your best friend both fight this horrible disease, it's tough. It eats away at your soul. And sometimes, you question life.

For now, I'm a happy woman. Our daughter is between treatments. And she's home. La Chiquitita is also between treatments. And on vacation! Mujer, I'm so happy for you! And we're heading home. To visit some of the most amazing people I will ever know. Tonight, I thank Mi Dios a few hundred times more than normal. ~C

2 Floods, 4 years

Juan and I were just talking about this. We have survived 2 floods in less than 4 years. It's crazy! But I'm happy that my family is safe.

This week it flooded here. We've been at the hospital. On the top floor. So we've had a view of this thing unfolding. very scary. And we've heard from our neighbor, our apartment is safe. See, I knew waiting for a 3rd floor apartment was smart. Even if those stairs are killer at times! But we're safe and healthy.

I can't say that for the rest of the city. And it's so sad to sit and watch the news coverage. The National Media seems to be ignoring this disaster. Reminds me a lot of the Katrina situation. These people need help!

The 1st flood we survived was in August 2006. We pretty much lost everything. Along with so many other people. Many being our friends. That's when we all moved East. Because literally, we lost almost everything. It was so scary trying to get my baby daughter to a safe and dry land. At times, I didn't think we were going to make it. But we survived.

It's scary. Floods are terrifying. Because you can't control the water. But I'm so glad and grateful to my Dear Lord, that he has kept my family safe. I'll be saying many, many more prayers today. Just asking for some help. Because this city embraced and welcomed us when we needed the help for our daughter. And now, they need help. ~C

Remembering

I came across Natalie's blog recently. And I've spent the last few nights reading through her archives. It's a really nice blog. Part craft blog, part family blog. I've been wanting to be more crafty. So maybe, just maybe, I enjoy reading her blog so much because I feel inspired. :)

But this post, it made me cry. It reminded me so much of our know "regular" routine. When Sarita was first sick, it used to kill me. Literally, a piece of me would die every time we had to take her to the doctor. Every poke, needle, test, x-ray, and eventual treatment...it was killing me. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through this.

When Sarita was first diagnosed, I tried to be strong. I needed to be strong. Juan needed to be strong. But it was so incredibly hard. Everything was difficult. She would cry when she went into her treatments. There were these skin crawling cries when she went for tests. And one day, it became too much.

Our daughter needed to have some tests. It was a day after one of her treatments. And that shrill. That horrible shrill, it pierced my heart. Juan was with Sarita in the room. I was outside. I sank to the floor. Face in my hands. Tears flooding over. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't pull myself together.

That's the day I met a great priest. He had been at the hospital giving a baby her last rites. And he found me on the floor. Completely falling apart. He managed to calm me down, and get me to a room to talk. Before my daughter found me upset and crying on the floor.

And over the last few years, I've spent an hour a week talking to him. Sometimes just random thoughts or events. Like taking Sarita to the Zoo. But most of the time talking about my daughter. Helping me to deal with this situation. I finally got to be honest with myself. and I got to talk things through.

I've learned that I'm not "Super Mom." That it's OK to show my emotions from time to time. It's OK to cry when my daughter is in pain. But most of all, I've learned to listen to myself. To honestly depend on myself, my husband, and our daughter.

I lean on the Lord more and more every day. I know that is very important. I've always known that. But I'm really starting to hand my life completely to the Lord. No questions asked. Being a parent of a serious sick child, it's beyond painful and difficult. But I know that I will do anything and everything in my power to make my daughter stronger and healthy.

Natalie's post, it just brought back so many memories. Mostly from those early days. From when I didn't know how to deal with all of this. I was never given an instruction manual when I became a mother. And most certainly, not when my baby girl became ill. But like Natalie, I do feel like the only possibility in this entire situation, is to be strong for my daughter. Sarita is the most important piece of our puzzle. We will do anything and everything we need to. Just so she is healthy and happy. ~C

Our Angel

It's been 4 long years. And I still miss B. She suffered a lot. But always had a smile on her face. You would never have known all the pain she was in. And very unexpectedly and suddenly, B went to heaven. God called our Angel home.

It was a tough time. For all of us. Sals had just had Marissa. Linda and Gabe had just gotten married. And we were waiting for Sarita. But that day, 4 years ago, our lives shattered. Especially Big O's. I just don't know how he made it through everything. I honestly don't know how.

B was one of my best friends. Our husbands are best friends. They've known each other forever! And worked together. As the wives of musicians, we became quick and close friends. How could you not be B's friend? But we got really close. And she was one of my very best friends.

Even when she got really sick, I liked to go spend time with her. It was so hard to see her getting so sick and weak. But Juan and I really want for B and Big O to be our baby girl's Godparents. No matter what was in B's future. We wanted our little girl to be blessed with good Godparents.

And just 5 days before our little girl was born, B went to God's Kingdom. It was a tough week. And the day that B was buried, I went into labor. I never thought I would make it through labor. And the delivery. But Big O and La Chiquitita were there as support for Juan and I.

Even in that tough week, we had a bright spot. I know B was there. And our daughter was born perfect. Even in the coming months, when we found out that Sarita was sick, I knew B was there. Every time we go home, I have to go visit B. I just feel a need to be close to her. La Chiquitita and Big O have been great! They're Sarita's Godparents. And they both LOVE to share stories about B with Sarita. Sarita has 2 middle names. Of course, we had to name her after B! And she knows all about our Angel!

I like that La Chiquitita and I can sit and talk about our dear friend. We both miss her so much! And it still feels like a great shock. Every year, I cry my eyes out. I miss B so much! And I know she is in heaven with her little one. I just wish we would have had more time with one of the very best people I have ever had the privilege to know! We LOVE you B! ~C

New Beginnings and Blessings

I am starting this blog as a way to keep in touch with our friends and family. It has been a rough couple of years. Sarita has been sick since she was 9 months old. And was diagnosed when she was just 15 months old. Our entire lives stopped so that we could take care of our baby girl. And we moved so that she could get the best treatment we could find.

For our family, life is on an upswing. And we have to enjoy every second of it! Sarita finished her latest treatment last week. She won't start up again until after her 4th birthday. Very good news! We want her to have as normal of a birthday as possible. She deserves it. We will also be going back home. Mems is going to help us with a pig or 2. And a Matanza is the way to celebrate 4 amazing years with Sarita!

We miss everyone back home so much! I know that Juan misses playing. But the guys have been so great to us. During such a difficult time, we need all the support we can get. They have been right here with us. Picking up the slack when we just couldn't deal with life. They are more than just friends, they really are family.We are really blessed. ~C