Made Me Sad....

I haven't been watching many YouTube videos lately. You know, life gets in the way of those kinds of things. There's volunteering at school, lots of traveling, a bit of dancing, and just life. But during naptime, I had a little bit of free time. And I was trying to catch up on some of my favorite youtubers. That's when I seen this video....



It just made my heart sad. It's reality. I know that. But when you watch some of these channels, you feel like they're your friends. And it just hurts, to see someone hurt this bad. Especially when they are such good people. My prayers are going out to this precious family! ~C

New Treasures

Is Sarita spoiled? I think so! Her Nono brought her lots of treats. From Disney World! He's here. Because he had to bring Cari Bear home. And he's staying for a few weeks. :)



These paper doll magnets, they're probably her favorite things to play with. She played all day long with them. :)



Look at these adorable shoes! Even I like these. Sarita sported these to church last night!



And a new dress up outfit. She just loves it! Thanks Nono! you know you don't have to spoil Sarita so much. But she really did love all her new treasures. ~C

Having a Blast!

I know, it's Monday night. We're supposed to be home. Well, at Memo's house. And I haven't checked my e-mail since we left. No house hunting. Nothing. Why? Because we're having a blast! This mini vacation is so amazing!

Because of Sarita's condition, we can't really go out during the weekend. She can't be exposed to that many people. In fear that she could get sick. That means our fun times out are confined to the week days. when less people are out and about.

Papa Memo and Sarita are still planning another trip to the Zoo. Tomorrow. And we want to take her on an adventure to the mountains. I don't know, we're planning on going home Thursday. We're all having a great time! And it's incredible to see our little girl so happy and excited about life. :)

Maybe I'll check my emails. Maybe I'll tweet. I don't know. But what I do know is, we're having a good time. A great time! With our family. Loving all the time together. Making some amazing memories. This is what we all needed. ~C

Sunshine Pregnancy

On Sunday, in the midst of looking for a home and packing for our trip, I played on Polyvore. I know. A good way to waste a little time. The site is addicting, I have to admit that much. But I was thinking about outfits for our trip.



I came up with this one. It's so happy and summery. Pregnancy in summer, it's not the best. Take it from me. I've never been to good at planning these things out. In fact, we went to Florida in August 2005 for Linda and Gabe's wedding. Talk about crazy! It was hot, humid, I was pregnant with Sarita, and had to dress up. Why did I waddle around Disney World? I'll never know...

But we were packing for this trip. And I thought about bringing lots of versatile pieces. The weather had been nuts around here. Rainy and cold 1 day, triple digits the next. So I did a layered look. Very cute! We actually made it to Forever 21 during the week. And I wore a similar look yesterday. Loved it! And I love how they sell maternity clothes now.

So there you go. My maternity look. It went from the a day at the Zoo, a train ride, and aquarium included. Oh, and feeding the ducks. To us going out to a nice family dinner. And it was nice to have a few options. Because it was hot outside. But freezing indoors. Thank goodness for Polyvore! And for La Chiquitita's suggestions of places to visit! She is from a pretty amazing city. ~C

I Need to...

I desperately need to learn how to sew. There are so many fabulous things that my daughter loves! But they're all handmade. And me and a sewing machine...well we've never met. I never took home ec is school. And everything about sewing seems foreign to me



But these cute little guys, they're from Happy Together. The pattern is even free. But I don't know where to begin. I called La Chiquitita, yes on her vacation, and asked her about them. She gave me a list of materials to buy. And tried to talk me through the process. Um, I wish she was here! Then she could help me. Or maybe just maybe, she'll make them for Sarita. I did buy the materials. I just don't know where to begin...

But I really do want to learn how to sew. I mean, come on, Cari Bear knows how to sew too! I think I'm going to be on the look out for the sales at Target. I know I've seen them on sale for $100. Maybe with my own sewing machine, maybe just maybe, I'll be able to learn how to sew. ~C

Looking for a New House...

Not going to lie here. Juan and I are a little stressed out. We need a house. Here. At home. We belong here. OK, we both grew up about 45 miles south of here. And spent most of our lives there. Until the flood. Then lots of things happened. And we moved east. First to San Antonio. Then to take care of our daughter.

Now, we're looking for a home. Nothing too fancy. But it has to be a 3 bedroom house. You know, our familia is growing here. We're hoping to stay under $250,000. And I'm saying nothing fancy, because we've decided to have a home built. But that generally means, 18-24 months. Oh boy! Maybe we should have thought about this before getting pregnant.

But we need a house relatively soon. Because I'm well into my 2nd trimester. And we can't continue to stay at Memo's house. Do you know what I mean? We love him. We really do! And he is just like family. But we can't do it anymore. We need a place for our family to grow. We won't stop traveling east for Sarita's treatments. But we're hoping that after our little girl is born, well, that maybe there is a cure in our future. We can only pray.

Juan and I spent the better part of today scooping out a few things. Some properties here. Near Memo and all of our friends. Now I really know why La Chiquitita and her Hombre are buying a house here. Close enough to the city. But still a little town. And if you find the right piece of property, almost out in the middle of nowhere. Love it!

We found a lot. One that we really like. For a really good deal. And we called our real estate agent. I know. It's Sunday. But you have to move on these great deals. She is starting our paperwork. An offer is being made tomorrow! In the meantime, we need a house. One that is built. And we're more than OK to live in the city for a year or so. While we build our home.

I found an old Craig's List listing. I hope that this house is still available. It looks like the current owners are selling it. A good deal too. Juan and I learn that it's best to buy directly from the seller. That's what we did in San Antonio. And we got an amazing deal! We just want to see more pictures. They had none of the bedrooms or bathrooms. Maybe even go look around the actual home.

And we found another listed on a local real estate agents website. For $198,000. The lot is small. There's not much grass either. But it's a good location. A fairly nice layout. Again, just a little small. 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. A cul-de-sac and nice views. The house generally looks a little small. But we just need a home for "now."

I know what you're thinking. Why not go with our real estate agent? We could. But she exclusively works on custom homes. And in this small community. Don't get me wrong, you drive down one street and you're in the city. But do you understand? It's a place where more expensive real estate is sold. And most of the newer homes are custom built. It takes a while. And that's all she does.

If worst comes to worst, La Chiquitita, Berto, and Sanchocito have all offered up their homes. I know that Memo would enjoy us staying here too. But we really want a place of our own. Now to go email the one woman from the Craig's List house. And to call the real estate agent and leave a message. Let's see who we hear from first...

Not only are we looking for a home, but we're going on a small trip tomorrow. Up north. About a 3 hour drive. We're going to La Chiquitita's (Nana) hometown. :)To take Sarita to the big Zoo, museum, and who knows what not all. We'll be gone for about a week. Maybe we can find a home by then. Fingers and toes crossed. Even if we do all of our business online. We just need a home. Can you tell that I'm super stressed out at the moment? ~C

Good 'ol Days Mariachi Style

Today my husband is back at work. Mariachi style! :) And it's starting to feel like old times. Sarita and I are hanging out at Papa Memo's house. With Sals and her girls. Spending the day swimming.

All the girls are napping. Sals is feeding her twins. Who are so precious! Papa Memo is fixing us a snack. And all I can think about is mariachi. I know Juan misses it. But I'm so glad that he is able to be with Sarita and I during her treatments. I know that must sound very selfish, but we need him.

But it's back to the "Good 'ol Days" for Juan and the guys. At least for this weekend. It's so hot outside. And I just hope that most of their gigs are inside. I already miss my husband. And I wish I would hear him sing and play. It's one of my favorite things in the entire world to do. Especially this song, La Chinita. It immediately made me think of him when I heard it on YouTube. ~C

Missing Cari Bear

We made it home yesterday. Well, to Papa Memo's house. and it feels amazing! He is definitely like a father figure to Juan and I. And Sarita's Papa (grandpa.) It just feels nice to be home. And to see all of our friends and family. We're just waiting for La Chiquitita (or Nana) to come home too!

It feels really good to be back. And we need to start looking for a house. Juan and I are hoping to buy a house here, before the baby comes. We have so much to do! We really need to get on top of this. We're not sure if we want to go through a real estate agent. Or just to go look for a home that is being sold by the owner. We'll just have to wait and see.

But this morning, Sarita came to our room a little sad. She misses Cari Bear. As do we. And Papa Memo. But Cari Bear is in Florida with Big O (or Nono.) Enjoying a vacation with her Nono. The house is so quiet without her. And we miss her so much! Sarita laid with us for a while before going to hangout with her Papa Memo. He told us tonight, that he misses his Cari Bear too. But he's glad that she can have such a great vacation.

We can't wait until Cari Bear comes home. But I hope she has a great time! Until then, we're going to try and help keep Papa Memo busy. Because he needs it. It's so sad to see him down. But I think Sarita is doing a good job at keeping him busy. :) ~C

Feels Like Home

We're finally home. Well, at least in our apartment. Sarita was released today. For just a few short weeks. But still, we're home. My baby girl is sleeping in her big girl bed. Her bed!

Juan and I couldn't be happier. Nothing is as amazing as putting our little girl to bed in her bedroom. And we're planning on going home. Back home. To the southwest. At least for a few weeks. We try to take full advantage of our time away from the hospital. But still being aware that we need to keep our daughter safe.

It feels good to be home. Plain and simple. I hope that soon, our little girl will no longer have to deal with cancer. We also hope that our dear friend, La Chiquitita, also doesn't have to deal with this horrible disease any longer. It's a tough road. For everyone involved. But to watch your daughter and your best friend both fight this horrible disease, it's tough. It eats away at your soul. And sometimes, you question life.

For now, I'm a happy woman. Our daughter is between treatments. And she's home. La Chiquitita is also between treatments. And on vacation! Mujer, I'm so happy for you! And we're heading home. To visit some of the most amazing people I will ever know. Tonight, I thank Mi Dios a few hundred times more than normal. ~C

Who Would Have Thought?

I think this is crazy! And so exciting! But both Jelly and I are expecting little girls. And on the same day! We were talking on the phone, and she jokes with me, I know what you guys were doing on Valentine's Day. ;)

Um, I have to admit. I was a little embarrassed. But that is why the guys sent us to Hawaii. Juan and I have been trying for another baby for almost 3 years. But with the stress of our daughter's illness, it was difficult. So we were so happy when we found out we were expecting. Then, when we found out we were having a little girl, Juan almost cried. It's no secret, he loves Sarita. And he loves being a daddy to little girls. So it was great news!

But to hear that Jose and Jelly are expecting too, well that was amazing! They deserve it so much! Jose didn't want to have kids until he was out of the military. And when he decided to leave the Army, we were all waiting for them to get pregnant. It's really neat to know that we're all going to have baby girls in a few months. I just wish I could spend more time around Jelly. I remember when Sals and I were pregnant at the same time. We wished we could spend more time together too. More importantly, I just hope that our daughters are born healthy and happy! ~C

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July! I hope everyone had a nice and safe holiday. We've had a great day. Even in the hospital. The hospital had a nice "cookout" for all of us. And as it began to get dark, we were able to head outside to watch the fireworks. Sarita loved it! And we were just so happy to see her smiling and enjoying herself. You know, she was just being a kid. The best thing ever!

We do miss our family and friends. And we miss the traditions we were so used to. Like Juan and the guys playing for the holiday. Having a big cookout with all of our friends and family. It's crazy! Our life has changed so much.

But it was nice to just sit here and enjoy the holiday. Our daughter is very much into holidays. And loved learning about the holiday. She can't wait to talk to her Tio Jose about it too! Being that he was in the Army for so many years. Today, we're just happy to be Americans. ~C

Polyvore

Today when Sarita was taking her nap, I decided to go explore Polyvore a bit. I've seen sets on La Chiquitita and Trina's blogs. And I thought it would be fun. You can find me here.

I made this set. Just a little inspiration. Because Juan and I are going on a dinner date with our friends before we head home. It's going to feel nice to finally get a little dressed up. And hang out with some adults. And not talk about hospital stuff.

I really liked this dress because it's so feminine. I remember seeing La Chiquitita wear a similar type outfit for Amelia and Riq's Rehearsal Dinner. So I decided to give it a try. Now I should probably go shopping. I have a tummy, but it's not a big preggers belly yet. So I think I can still get away with wearing "regular clothes." Just in larger sizes.



Do you ever use Polyvore? I just think it's fun. It gives you some ideas. Reminds me of play paper dolls as a girl. :) And then you know what you want when you go shopping. Because if you are like me, you are usually clueless. And let your daughter choose much of your clothes. Now, I need to go shopping! ~C

Life and Music

I seen this video on La Chiquitita's blog recently. I've been trying to catch up on my blog reading. But I just thought it was a cute song. And the video reminds me of her. Because she is silly like the girl in the video.

You see, our friend is a quiet person by nature. And a little shy. OK, a lot shy when it comes to men. And for years, I listened to countless men confess their love for her. But they were all too shy to ask her out. Because even though she is shy, she is very successful. And men are a little taken aback by that.

But in the end, she found a man. They met by chance. And she captured his heart. Without even trying. That's what happened. He'll admit it. In the end, they met. And he finally had the huevos to ask her out. Now, you can't find a happier couple out there. How funny life is. Music mirrors life and life mirrors music. Oh, and Pepe Aguilar happens to be La Chiquitita 's favorite singer too! ~C

Summer

Now it's officially summer. Today was technically the longest day of the year. And we were inside all day! But we enjoyed our day.

I really do wish that I could take my little girl swimming, to the Zoo, and to the beach. All those things scream summer to me. But I can handle watching some cute movies with her too! That's what we did today. Oh, and we colored some pictures for Juan. :)

So how are you spending your summer? We're hoping on making a trip home in July. And maybe finding a house. Who knows, we might even get to go visit Nono! :) ~C

Crazy Ladies

My comadre sent me this book a while ago. She LOVED it! And with us spending so much time in the hospital, we all need to find things to entertain us with. I've been reading a lot! And I can see why La Chiquitita LOVES this book so much. It's a great one!

I'm a little sad. Because I'm almost done with Crazy Ladies. So I was looking on Barnes and Noble website. And I found a few books by Michael Lee West. I'm not sure if I'm going to buy Mad Girls in Love or Mermaids in the Basement. They both sound good. Maybe I'll get both! :)

Don't you just LOVE when you find an author you enjoy? I do! Then I feel like I need to read all of their books. In this case, that's not a bad thing. Not at all! ~C

'Rella

Around here, 'Rella is #1! Sarita just loves her. And of course, Prince Charmin'. It's nothing we've pushed on her. Rather, it's something that she just loves. And everyone knows it. Knows it with a passion.

Her Nana and Nono are always sending some cute 'Rella doll or outfit. Sarita just loves them all! So we thought it would make her decision easy. She was granted a "Make-A-Wish" wish. Sarita just has to decide what she wants to do. And that's our problem.

I guess I just figured she'd want to go see 'Rella. But her Nono works at Disney World. So that was out for her. Crazy, I know. And she just can't decide where to go. She's talked about Sea World and even a NASCAR race of all things! But no decision yet.

Anyway that we spin this one, Nono has come to the rescue. When Sarita is feeling up to it, he's talking her to the Magical Kingdom! Our little girl is very lucky! Now to just decide on this wish. ~C

Pigs

If it were up to my daughter, we'd have a couple of these guys. Cute I know. And delicious when they're bigger. We know all too well!

But Sarita just loves pigs. Funny thing, when she was talking to her Nana today, she asked if she could go see J's pigs. And to tell them that she missed them. The things my daughter comes up with! That's why I love her so much. ~C

May Flowers

I think I might just be dreaming about being outside. But when I saw this picture, I almost cried! Look at how beautiful those flowers are! What's that saying, "April Showers bring May Flowers."

Well, after the floods earlier this month, does that mean we'll have "June Flowers" instead? I just want to see some pretty flowers. That's one of those things I miss about being back home. I used to plant so many flowers! Juan would joke with me that I would spend all of my extra money on flowers. No lie, I think I did. Every time I went to Wal-Mart or Home Depot, I would buy some. Just because they made me smile. :)

Now, we can't have flowers or plants in Sarita's room. Because of her treatments. But we look outside her window every morning. We have a nice view here. And sometime, I just wish I had a little flower garden here. But we live in an apartment. Until our little one is well, and we are back home, I better find some fun garden blogs. ~C

2 Floods, 4 years

Juan and I were just talking about this. We have survived 2 floods in less than 4 years. It's crazy! But I'm happy that my family is safe.

This week it flooded here. We've been at the hospital. On the top floor. So we've had a view of this thing unfolding. very scary. And we've heard from our neighbor, our apartment is safe. See, I knew waiting for a 3rd floor apartment was smart. Even if those stairs are killer at times! But we're safe and healthy.

I can't say that for the rest of the city. And it's so sad to sit and watch the news coverage. The National Media seems to be ignoring this disaster. Reminds me a lot of the Katrina situation. These people need help!

The 1st flood we survived was in August 2006. We pretty much lost everything. Along with so many other people. Many being our friends. That's when we all moved East. Because literally, we lost almost everything. It was so scary trying to get my baby daughter to a safe and dry land. At times, I didn't think we were going to make it. But we survived.

It's scary. Floods are terrifying. Because you can't control the water. But I'm so glad and grateful to my Dear Lord, that he has kept my family safe. I'll be saying many, many more prayers today. Just asking for some help. Because this city embraced and welcomed us when we needed the help for our daughter. And now, they need help. ~C

Remembering

I came across Natalie's blog recently. And I've spent the last few nights reading through her archives. It's a really nice blog. Part craft blog, part family blog. I've been wanting to be more crafty. So maybe, just maybe, I enjoy reading her blog so much because I feel inspired. :)

But this post, it made me cry. It reminded me so much of our know "regular" routine. When Sarita was first sick, it used to kill me. Literally, a piece of me would die every time we had to take her to the doctor. Every poke, needle, test, x-ray, and eventual treatment...it was killing me. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through this.

When Sarita was first diagnosed, I tried to be strong. I needed to be strong. Juan needed to be strong. But it was so incredibly hard. Everything was difficult. She would cry when she went into her treatments. There were these skin crawling cries when she went for tests. And one day, it became too much.

Our daughter needed to have some tests. It was a day after one of her treatments. And that shrill. That horrible shrill, it pierced my heart. Juan was with Sarita in the room. I was outside. I sank to the floor. Face in my hands. Tears flooding over. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't pull myself together.

That's the day I met a great priest. He had been at the hospital giving a baby her last rites. And he found me on the floor. Completely falling apart. He managed to calm me down, and get me to a room to talk. Before my daughter found me upset and crying on the floor.

And over the last few years, I've spent an hour a week talking to him. Sometimes just random thoughts or events. Like taking Sarita to the Zoo. But most of the time talking about my daughter. Helping me to deal with this situation. I finally got to be honest with myself. and I got to talk things through.

I've learned that I'm not "Super Mom." That it's OK to show my emotions from time to time. It's OK to cry when my daughter is in pain. But most of all, I've learned to listen to myself. To honestly depend on myself, my husband, and our daughter.

I lean on the Lord more and more every day. I know that is very important. I've always known that. But I'm really starting to hand my life completely to the Lord. No questions asked. Being a parent of a serious sick child, it's beyond painful and difficult. But I know that I will do anything and everything in my power to make my daughter stronger and healthy.

Natalie's post, it just brought back so many memories. Mostly from those early days. From when I didn't know how to deal with all of this. I was never given an instruction manual when I became a mother. And most certainly, not when my baby girl became ill. But like Natalie, I do feel like the only possibility in this entire situation, is to be strong for my daughter. Sarita is the most important piece of our puzzle. We will do anything and everything we need to. Just so she is healthy and happy. ~C